Comparison

Have you ever be compared to?

Do you like it?

Well, I suppose it doesn't bother too much if we're on the 'good' side of the road, if you're the one with more skill, more beauty, more diligence, more everything positive (or so they thought).

But what happens when you're the one that's lacking all of the above?

I've never had a sister in my whole life.

And luckily, my Mom and Dad, never seem to compare me with other kids.

They're never, like, "Look, that child is pretty, you should dress up more often like her." or, "Hey, you should be more like your cousin, she's very smart, she has a job now, and she's only 2 years older than you." or blah blah BS. So, yes, I AM very lucky to have parents like them :)

But hey, what do you know, now I'm living with my Grandma, and guess what!

SHE LIKES TO COMPARE ME WITH OTHER COUSINS!

Nice isn't it? NOT.

She always blahblah about how cousin A could cook, how cousin B had a job, how cousin C is now on internship program in Aussie and got $10 per hour. Well, you can say that I'm okay with what she compared me to on cousin B and C, but I can't stand it when she compare me with cousin A. I know her. She, how perfect she may be to her (Gran's), ought to have weaknesses too. Gran's doesn't know her like I do, so, to be compared to her, made me frown and laughless this morning.

So what if I can't cook? Would you like me better if I cook?

This also reminds me that, hey, I don't have many things to brag about.

I can't even drive a car properly. And I can't cook. And I don't have a job. And I go to university here, in Jakarta, not in Aussie or UK or Neverland.

Yes, my English is kinda fluent for someone who never sign up for any English course, but then she's from China, she'd expect me to be fluent in Chinese. She doesn't care if I could speak and write and read English. SHE CAN'T.

Not that I complain what I can and cannot do, but I just hate the thought that I am not what people want me to be. And don't get me wrong, I DON'T want to be what THEY WANT me to be. But isn't that mean that they don't love me for the way I am? I wish people would just stop judging me for what I can and cannot do and live with it. Because I am me. I don't know how to be somebody else. Nobody taught me to be somebody I'm not. And for this, I'm thanking my Parents for such a great job. Thank you Mom and Dad, for loving me the way I am. Me, who can't cook. Me, who can't drive properly. Me, who don't seem to have any special pluses and skills. Me, who you can't brag about. Me.

And I don't want this post to make people think that I have an evil Grandma. She's not evil. She's not annoying most of the time, she just likes to compare, and I happen to hate that.

Who Knows?

Where will I be in the next 6 years?

In 2017?

In a private island of my own, drinking lemon squash?

In this exact house, with nothing to do?

Travelling around the world, with no real place to call home?

In a quiet village on the mountains, enjoying a simple, private life?

There's so many possibilities.. So many maybes..

Is there even gonna be 2017??

That's the question that made me write this post, actually. Just a few minutes ago, a friend of mine, an acquaintance to be exact, tweeted that in 2017, everyone will already have a microchip planted, an anti-Christ chip.. This truly frightens me. Once or twice I slept on thinking about this. It actually scares me more than "Apocalypse on 2012" thing.

Now. Either it's 2012 or 2017, I know I'd still be around. So here's what I thought; if those things people saying about either 2012 or 2017 was right, it's NOT FAIR. It's not fair, at all..

My Gramps, my Great Greatgramps, and so on, got to live their life to the end of their 'line'.. Then why should apocalypse happen in or before MY LINE of life? WHY? I mean, I have a right to live my life to the day I should die. Yes, it's true that my end of line COULD possibly be the apocalypse itself, but still... I'd like to die normally. Don't you? Die of old age.. Die of disease (not that I want this one, but.. at least it's normal), et cetera.

So, why do (now dead or going to be dead soon) people got to live their life until they really die, but I don't? It simply isn't fair. And yes, I know that we are humans. Life isn't fair, because we aren't born satisfied. But I am still human, I couldn't help but feeling cheated, unfair. And there's nothing I can do about this.

But I thought again. Who made those rumours? Why? Well. I can tell you that I don't know. And yes, this earth is weakening by each minute.. Humans are getting more obnoxious and evil by day.. Problems swivel around, changing arch of smiles to arch of anger or sorrow. Frowns are all we see most days.

But there's still hope.

You see, if HE wanted us dead, we'd already be.

But I suppose if I could write this post, and you could read it, we're not dead, at least not yet.

But still, we're not.

So I thought, there's so many problems around me, and this one doesn't seem like something that I could fix for the whole world.. So I think I'll just leave it to Him. I know that I am cared for. He cares for me more than anybody in this world could. He also cares for the people that I care for. So, I should just leave it up to him, and do my days as best as I could.

And who knows what'll happen in 2012 or 2017?

No one does.

But some things I know for sure;

I'm GREATLY-maintained for I am His dear. And MAYBE,

maybe I'm gonna get that private island and resort, after all ;)

Who knows, right?